homemade cheese crackers

Cheese makes you happy. Cheese makes you fart too.

Best of all, cheese makes real good crackers.

This is a real good recipe people. No, you won’t fart like the white chicks in LA. But you will keep eating these. It’s that addictive.

Use good sharp cheddar cheese for flavor. I’m pretty sure gruyere or even blue cheese will work just as well.

Take that, colorful Pepperidge farm fish crackers with absolutely zero flavor.


homemade cheese crackers

adapted from Alana Chernila via 101 cookbooks

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes, plus additional for baking sheets

1 1/2 cups / 7 oz / 200g whole wheat pastry flour, plus more for the counter OR rye flour, as i used

1 teaspoon dry mustard powder/cajun powder

1 teaspoon fine grain sea salt

6 ounces / 170 g Cheddar cheese, grated

2 teaspoons white wine vinegar

1 ice cube

sesame seeds, for decoration

Combine the butter, flour, dry mustard/cajun, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer. Mix on low speed with the paddle attachment until the mixture is crumbly and the butter starts to integrate into the mixture, about 30 seconds. Add the cheese and mix again on low speed for a few seconds.

In a measuring cup, combine 3/4 cup water, the vinegar, and the ice cube, and let sit for a moment to get cold. Add 6 tablespoons of the vinegar mixture to the dough and mix on medium speed for 20 seconds. Continue to add liquid, 1 tablespoon at a time, until the dough clings in a ball to the beater. Then mix for an additional 30 seconds. Mound the dough into a ball, wrap it in waxed paper or plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least two hours, and up to 3 days.

Remove the dough from the refrigerator 15 minutes before you are ready to roll it out. Preheat the oven to 325F / 160C and grease two baking sheets. Turn out the dough onto a floured surface, press into a flat disc, and roll it with a rolling pin until the dough is 1/8-inch thick. Cut into desired shapes using a knife or cutter. Any leftover dough can be rerolled for more crackers.

With a spatula, transfer the crackers to the prepared baking sheets, allowing nearly an inch between crackers. If you’re adding seeds as an accent, press them gently in place now. Bake until the bottoms are browned, and the tops take on a good amount of color as well – 18 – 25 minutes, depending on how thick your crackers actually are. And rotate the sheets halfway through baking (or when the crackers in the back look like they are browning more quickly than the front). Turn off the oven, prop open the oven door with a metal or wooden spoon, and allow the crackers to crisp as the oven cools – at least twenty minutes.

Makes 3-4 dozen small/medium crackers.


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